Tuesday, 12 February 2013

The phone rang.

She was sobbing badly on the other end of the line.

“I’m going over,” I told her and hung up before she could protest.

1am. It was going to be a long night ahead..

She was still crying when she opened the door. She looked so broken, so vulnerable.
I didn’t have to know what was wrong, I just held her in my arms. She cried even more.

“He broke up with me,” she finally said.

I just kept quiet as she let it all out.. questions, tears, anger, hurt.

“Why does love have to hurt so much?”

“No, love.. doesn’t hurt,” I said gently.

“So says the guy who’s been single forever? What would you know about love,” she jabbed.

“So says the guy who’s been your friend though Mr now-ex-#4,” I grinned. “Love doesn’t
hurt you.. it’s the person that doesn’t know how to love or appreciate love that hurts you.
But love never hurts,”.

“You won’t understand, Matt,” she sighed, “you’ve never been in love…”

“That’s not entirely true, you know..”

“Wait what- so who’s this girl I’ve never heard abou-“

“What did you love about #4 anyway?” I interjected.

“I don’t know… he is just perfect. And I love him so much,”

“But you don’t know what it is that you love about him?”

“It’s just.. the feeling when I’m with him. It always felt right with him. He made me feel loved
and I loved him too,”

“That’s it? Just a feeling?”

“Well.. yea. What were you expecting me to say?”

“.. something more specific, maybe? I mean, if you thought he’s so ‘perfect’, why’d he still
chea- erm, why’d he leave you?”

“Because I’m just not good enough for him? I don’t know..” she paused. “What is love to
you then…”

“Hmm.. to me, being together and in love with someone should be more that just a feeling..
it should also be about mutual understanding, acceptance, respect, commitment and trust.”

“That’s what all couples would hope and want their relationship to be like, Matt. But
expectations and reality don’t always go together..”

“Or maybe.. someone’s just not trying?”

“Well if you think love is so simple.. why haven’t you been with anyone all these years?”

“I never said love was simple.. but I guess the reason why I’ve never been with anyone
yet is because.. I already know exactly what I want,”

“You have.. a checklist?”

“Sorta. It’s not the typical kinda ‘I’d like a girl with long hair, nice smile, etc’ superficial
checklist though,”

“Oh. What kind of list is it then?”

“It’s like.. a concept of love. Of what it is about a girl that will make me fall completely
in love with her. A concept that has more than three specific reasons that would answer
any question as to why I love her.”

“You have a concept of love?” she laughed. “Love isn’t a theory, Matt.. you can’t just
classify love by a concept or definition, you simply feel it with your heart..”

“But you see.. the reason why I think there are so many broken hearts, is because people
merely jump into a relationship when their heart feels a certain something towards someone
 But I don’t think that’s love, that’s merely an infatuation. Personally, I believe there are
more than three reasons and aspects that actually determines whether we really are truly
in love beyond the superficial ‘I don’t know why I love him/her.. I just do’ reason,”

“That makes sense. So what exactly is this.. ‘concept’ of yours about?” she asked,
genuine curiosity replacing her initial skepticism.

“I call it the 4+1 theory. The aspects that will determine if it’s true love or just a fickle
infatuation. It’s based on this idea that whenever we like someone, if we really go deeper
into what is it that draws us to him or her, we’d be able to find that one specific reason.
That’s not love though. That’s merely an attraction or infatuation. But when more than
three of the aspects from this theory are present, you’ll be pretty sure that it’s more than
just a feeling. For me personally, this determines if I’ll ever fall in love with a girl…”

Mind. Heart. Body. Soul.

The mind aspect, to put it simply, is her intellect. But I don’t mean the academic smarts..
 it’s the way she thinks, processes and analyzes things way beyond a shallow self centered-ness.
It’s the way she puts across her thoughts, not for winning an argument’s sake, but to really
try to understand or even sensibly debate opposing views that might leave anyone reflecting
on her words or challenge me to think differently. It’s the way she carries herself off with
an aura of sophistication and enigmatic charm and no matter how much I might think I already
know her or have her figured out, she’ll still surprise me with something unexpected. Good
surprise. I like intellect. Personally, it takes a little more to intrigue me and stimulate my senses.
 If I can connect with someone and talk endlessly about the concept of nothing, then, only then,
will we be able to talk about everything else.. and I think that’s incredibly alluring,”

“Ooh.. so my best friend’s sapiosexual too,” she teased. “But what about her likes and dislikes
or like her personality.. does that go under the mind aspect too?”

“Well, that’s where the heart aspect comes in. The heart represents who she is by what she
values or cares about. The things she likes, the things she dislikes. What really matters to her,
as well as her insecurities and fears..”

She bit her lower lip - thinking. “But what if him knowing about my past and all my insecurities
scares him or drives him away? Or what if he ever uses all of these against me if someday
things go bad between us?”

“Erm.. you do realize that it doesn’t really matter now because whether or not he ever knew,
he already chose to leave you right? But.. if he still or ever tries to hurt you in any way, then
he is a fucking bastard and I will punch his face,”. I really meant it.

“I don’t think he even cares about me anymore,” she sighed, “maybe he never really did..
we were so.. different. I don’t know why I never actually realize it before,”

“Maybe because then, you were too ‘blinded by love’ to see, or you chose to conveniently
ignore the differences. Honestly though, I think it’s critical for two people to understand
each other’s heart and learn to accommodate each other’s differences rather than simply
turning a blind eye or deaf ear ‘because I love him and that’s all that matters’. Because if
two people are too different in the way they think, behave or live.. I reckon it will become
a huge problem when the infatuation bubble bursts.”

“I don’t really understand..” she said.

“Let me just ask you this.. does he know how passionate you are towards the arts and music?"

“Well, no.. not really. He’s more the sports kind of guy and doesn’t like theatre and stuff
so I didn’t want him to get bored if I talked to him about things he isn’t interested in..”

“Then i’m guessing he probably also doesn’t care or know the little things about you.
Like how you’re afraid of the dark and why you’re actually scared of darkness.. how family
and relationships are really important to you.. that ice cream is your happy pill. You know,
I’m even going to bet that he doesn’t know you go to bed every night, clutching your phone
just hoping and waiting for him to text you goodnight..”

She started to tear again, but I continued..

“You see, it’s not a matter of whether it bores him or not.. it’s a matter of whether he bothers
or not. I mean, if he doesn’t even know these things about you, then he really doesn’t know
you at all. How then can he say he loves you?”

“But I really loved him,” she murmured softly to herself .

“I know you did. I know you still do and it’s hurting you like shit. But you need to know that
 for any kind of relationship to work.. two people need to give and take. Sadly, with him,
it seems like you’re the one who was always giving. If he actually really loved you back
as much, he’d make a greater effort to close the gap and bridge the differences between
you two. He’d want to hear what you have to say, he would actually consider your opinions,
your needs and your feelings. He’ll not just tell you or text you that he loves you.. he’ll show it
by the things he will do or be willing to do no matter how inconvenient or silly it might be,
just because.. he knows it’ll make you happier or better. To me, when it comes to a relationship,
the heart aspect isn’t just a feeling or who you/he or she is anymore. It becomes two hearts
beating as one. Two people wanting to understand each other.. sharing the good, the bad
and possibly a future together; actually bothering and supporting each other’s feelings, values,
dreams, thoughts, emotions,”

She stayed silent for a long while before she looked up, holding my gaze.. there was this
unspoken tension building before she finally spoke again.

“But.. what if something that’s important to me, is not something the guy might feel same way
about?

“Then I’ll try-” I caught myself. “I mean, if I were him. I’d try. I’d make the effort.. because
it’s important to you and you’re important to me,”

- to be continue..


dreamed of racing on 11:24 am

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